Inspiring Women: Sharon Hayes: Putting the Social in Social Media

For many, Sharon Hayes needs no introduction, having been profiled for her social media savvy in publications such as The Huffington Post I've found that her daily interactions and positive messages on Twitter, Sharon shows how to use social media to good advantage because she gives so much through the medium. I remember Sharon tweeting about welcoming everyone we encounter on Twitter because all of us were new once. She doesn’t like direct messages via Twitter but prefers to engage in conversations via her stream and also offers a lot of strategies for getting optimum usage out of Twitter.

However, most influential for me is Sharon’s concept of “snacking.” Social media and our multitasking, technology-driven culture embodies a condition Sharon aptly calls “relationship snacking.” (Another woman I admire used the phrase “treating others like fast food.”) And this is possible not only with an uncountable number of Facebook friends or Twitter connections but in every day encounters among family and analog friends. Not giving the time of day and not being equal to the relationship, I see this for myself so often. Sharon acknowledges her own difficulties, neglecting friendships over time and feeling resentful when others multitask in her presence. That’s why her Twitter usage is so striking, inviting others into conversation, sustaining the interchange and showing genuine concern.

I’m also drawn to Sharon’s words on information snacking: “We skim and get the general idea of information rather than absorbing and understanding it.” I’m especially guilty of this activity. Sharon suggests filtering, taking the time to understand what’s relevant to us, and “take action.” It reminds me a quote from Hesse, “only the thinking we act on has any value,” and the distinction between information and knowledge explained to me by a teacher “knowledge is what you have after all the notebooks have been burned.”

Sharon has two intriguing books scheduled for publication in 2012, My Paradigm Shift, which is about her own personal growth, and another highlighting others' success stories, Don't Tell Me I Can't.

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Withdrawal

I found a wistful story in the New York Times Magazine about a man who ultimately felt compelled to withdraw from Twitter. The writer notes that he accumulated some 25,000 followers, but is there any way to verify the veracity of such a number? And from his description, his tweets were like drive-bys. Did he share useful information? Did he attempt to build something of a community through retweeting, conversations, support others he met and sustain online friendships offline?

I can't tell, because the fellow evidently deleted his account.

Certainly I identify with his one-time obsession.

As in real life, ongoing Twitter engagement takes time, away from other activities. Reading through my follow list I saw people I was interested in enough to include, but gradually it becomes overwhelming, to read all the tweets, never mind the blog posts. And I want to know. At some point, though, I had to stop, or level off. I wasn't getting my work done. Neglected analog relationships and obligations. Slowly trying to reconnect.

Because so many in the Twitterverse, more than I can name or recall, sustained me through particularly difficult times with the messages and examples that I needed to read and hear and read and hear again. This morning there was a thread called #spiritchat, in which I read: "Grateful that the internet brought twitter so that I may share and learn from other spirits across the world." Agreed.

Responses to Self-Care, Mindfulness and Social Media chat 3/7/11

I thoroughly enjoyed the web chat on social media featuring Jennifer Louden , Tara Sophia Mohr, Marianne Elliott, and Bridget Pilloud. Tara Gentile moderated.

Some of the themes which especially resonated with me were:

A mindful approach to what I post and share:

- Jen said that she considers, before posting material, “what’s the conversation” “what’s the context” “who am I” “what do I represent,” all pointing towards “mindfully sharing.” I take this to mean posting, sharing something that will contribute to a discussion, that will pointto a useful resource, something given toward serving someone else. She also creates an intention and sets a timer before she engages with social media, and while using it she pays attention to what is going on with her (emotional, mental, physical states,) adjusts accordingly and aims to “share strength and upbeatness,” rather than the contrary.

- Bridget described her mindful approach saying if she is feeling “equally excited and scared when” putting “something out there,” that is when she feels most real, that she describes as authenticity.

- Marianne spoke of “getting grounded before I start” and referred to “limitless qualities of social media,” and that “the body and mind are not accustomed to entering into such a place.” Her techniques include “drop into my body” “relax and release” “bring awareness into my body” (feeling her body being present, her breath and her body sitting and whatever is holding her up) (she also mentioned her Zenpeacekeeper’s guide to Twitter, sounds cool.)

- Tara brought forth insights about the addictive qualities of social media, likening these sites to computer games, noting they deliver similar rewards and feedback and affect dopamine levels. While Twitter and Facebook may not be designed for addiction, they are certainly meant to be engaging, she pointed out, and it is up to us “to be conscious of how we respond” to these networks and “manage” our responses. She also described her approach to posting material "consistent with compassionate and wisdom," and remarked "less is more" and about the importance of "white space."

A lot of the discussion also centered around engaging with others on social media. Here, Tara said, it is necessary to ask oneself “why am I going to social media,” and if one is “looking for validation and reassurance… Twitter may not be the best place to find it.” (In which case, better to pick up the phone or go visit someone or go where people are. Although in the café or the library people will likely be engaged in social media.) Bridget said it is OK to "think of social media like your house," and consider who you want to invite in and not. Jen urged us to ask ourselves the question "why do you want to talk to someone," and to "create our own fishbowl," connect and share with others with like interests who support our efforts.

I admit to being sucked into Twitter and Google Reader and I want to read everyone's tweets and blogs, and obviously it's not possible. And I have to have a certain degree of acceptance with that, and also accept that people are busy. And I was reminded during the talk, maybe by Bridget, there has be a certain give and take. What do I offer someone on social media? How can I support this person? Why would she/he care?

And applying the awareness and the patience and the mindfulness and the presence and the enjoyment and the gratitude that I apply at other moments in my life will go a long way. If I can step back from the computer. If I can know when to post and when to keep silent. If I can "do the work," as Tara says, actually produce something. And just breathe. And have an intention. And be here now.

A great discussion by wonderful, thoughtful, energetic, positive women who each have a powerful presence in Twitter and the blogosphere. Thanks to all for making this happen.

Blocked from following

I tried to re-follow someone on Twitter and found out that I had been blocked at the user's request. Maybe it's because I sent a creepy direct message "I like your new picture." I'd sent this person a lot of medical links which I supposed were of interest. Maybe I was a creep, and I sent an apologetic e-mail and that will probably be that. It's not personal if someone doesn't follow me or drops me on Facebook. It's the other person's decision. I've found Facebook good for reconnecting with folks from my past, but beyond that, it's not much. Oh sure, I follow what they're posting, but can scarcely have a conversation with any. It is what it is. If somebody doesn't call me or return my call or e-mail, I call somebody else. "the only way to have a friend is to be one."

Update (8/21/09): Got some spam from a Twitter person. Maybe someone hijacked his account, and maybe someone hijacked mine. I won't know.

Update 2 (8/21/09): "What someone else thinks of me is none of my business."